I didn’t do much all yesterday, to be honest, just recollected myself. At the time I felt guilty for laying around, catching up with people and work — but now I see just how desperate I was for it.
There are so many problems to figure out here, and if you don’t take them slowly or if you try to rush through you end up making bad decisions.
Yesterday, I was so caught up in needing to figure out all the have to’s I missed the fact that I was giving myself some much-needed space.
Today has been a take 2 on that same lesson.
The one thing I set up yesterday was a car for this morning around 11, so like clockwork, my neighbors asked if I wanted to see the volcano at 10:30. I had to go.
I stood with my neighbors at the volcano for 30 minutes, in total angst about being ‘late,' and in turn only quickly catching the river of lava rushing 100-feet away.
But the thing about Hawaii that everyone says and I’m just now getting, is this isn’t the way time flows here, you are never late or early. So as I stood worrying about my ‘lateness’ my driver was held up by one of the many deluges (that haven’t stopped all day).
I arrived just as I was supposed to, 10 minutes late and on time, and together we went to pick up my placard to get back into my neighborhood.
The placard ordeal had me anxious, more than any others. So I told myself over and over it would be easy, that my driver would suggest that we also stop and get groceries and that the guard would let us both back in so I wouldn’t have to walk in the rain.
And like magic, it all fell into place.
Maybe it’s a stretch but I think that’s one piece about what I’m supposed to ‘get’ by being here. We have a choice for how we approach situations, people, plans — we can worry ourselves sick, or we can let go and fall into the fact that we can’t control the timing of anything.
I can literally feel how much more high-strung I am that everyone around me. In Safeway today, I was bobbing and weaving while everyone waited in line after line through the isles. Letting me cut them or move around them, and there’s something to be said for that.
What’s the rush? Being busy, rushing through life, rushing through projects, years, relationships — the slowness I think will be good for me if nothing else. Healing to my constant need to go, go, go.
Now I’m home the rain has not stopped or let up all day. So, I have a choice now at this moment, to rush into the next experience — freak out about what I’m going to do with myself, or relax and drink my beautifully hot cup of coffee, sit and read, maybe work, but ultimately try to be just a little more present.